Fun at the zoo!

So a few years ago I used to work at a  local zoo and for legal reasons I can't tell you which one, but I'll give you a hint: It has a bunch of animals in it. I was hired to clean the animal cages and enclosures, but got fired after only a week. They said the reason they were firing me was suspicion of animal cruelty because one of the monkeys (Bopsie) was cowering in its cage, and wouldn't eat or look anyone directly in the face and then one of my coworkers said that she had seen me exiting Bopsie's cage and that I had a bunch of black coarse fur stuck in my pants zipper and that I was "acting all shifty," as she put it. HA!...can you believe that shit?? So I thought of a really funny prank to play on those assholes -you know all the stories lately on the news about escaped animals going crazy and terrorizing neighborhoods? I put my old zoo uniform on with my regular clothes over it, slapped on a fake beard and headed to the zoo. I admit I was a little nervous when I got there. I thought they might recognize me because I walk with a very distinct fake limp. Anyway, the girl at the ticket booth kinda gave me a weird look, but I think it was because I was wearing those glasses that have slinky googley eyeballs instead of lenses. Anyway, after a brief conversation about weird things I enjoy smelling ,she hesitantly let me in. It was just as I remembered it: beautiful and lush, with the sounds of pissed off exotic, enslaved animals ringing in the air, while ignorant humans point and stare.(haha I made a rhymeded!)  And then I saw him-- My old friend Bopsie!  There he was even more glorious and handsome than ever! He was a little grayer around the mouth and temple area, but that only seemed to give him a more distinguished look, kinda like an simian George Clooney!!' Anyway, our eyes met and at first he seemed puzzled, perhaps sensing a strange familiarity. I knew It was now or never! I pulled off my disguise and stood there before Bopsie in my zoo uniform. Bopsie's eyes suddenly went wide and a  look of confusion washed over him, and in a split  second turned to unbridled monkey rage!! "It's me Bopsie, I'm back!" I yelled to him. He must have still been confused because he started literally going ape-shit and screeching like a Wall Street protester.  So I took out a bottle of red food coloring that I brought with me and poured it all over my body and began yelling as loud as I could, "The Tigers! They've escaped! Run! For the love of BOPSIE, run for your lives!" People started panicking immediately and started grabbing their children and running towards the gates! A pot-bellied lady fell on her stomach and got trampled by a few of the most cowardly people. Suddenly, I found myself being escorted by zoo security. I tried telling them it was just a really really funny joke and that I was sorry , but they were still pissed(they were probably mad that THEY didnt think of it). Then the pot-bellied lady came up to us (even though  2  E.M.T's were trying to restrain her and keep her on the gurney), and she's like, "This was your idea of a joke!? Are you fucking crazy?! I'm pregnant, you asshole!! So I was like, "No I'm not crazy, but the guy that got you pregnant...now THAT mother fucker's "crazy!!"!!"(she was kinda ugly and old...like 35) I think her hormones were all fucked up cuz Oh man, she went ballistic!!!!!!  Well, now I've been banned from the zoo and from seeing my friend Bopsie for life, but I found a way to see him anyway, anytime I want. I just go to the zoo's website and they have a picture of Bopsie right there! I just lean way back in my chair, and then I push my face towards the computer screen really fast and it looks like Bopsie's jumping at me.!! Oh, the games he and I play! Something tells me that big lug misses me......