Today I found out some terrible news... my old high school football coach, Mr O'leary, died'ed of a massive heart attack. He was a really nice guy and the only teacher I ever had who truly believed in me. He said I could do anything I wanted to if I put my mind to it...including male modeling! Haha...We both would laugh when he said that, and then suddenly his smile would fade and he'd get all intense and say, "seriously, you could." He really boosted my self esteem in those awkward years. He always encouraged me to push myself further and "just let things happen because god has a plan" as he so often put it. One day on the field I was having a paticularly bad football pratice...all the other guys on the team were getting mad at me cuz they said I was hogging the ball and running the wrong way, so I got really upset, tore off my jersey and helmet, then threw them on the field and stomped on them with my buster brown cleats that my mother had just gotten me from the local goodwill store. I shouted "THAT'S IT.....I QUIT!!!" Then I got even more upset because they all started cheering and throwing confetti in the air. Time seemed to stand still, and I stood there for a moment not knowing what to do. Finally, I shouted "WAIT TILL I COME BACK HERE TOMORROW WITH A SHOTGUN AND BLOW EVERY ONE OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEADS OFF!!!!" Hahahaha...at that point I knew I had gotten their attention because they all stopped cheering and got eerily quiet! I was on a roll, so then I screamed "And you're all a bunch of poopie-headed dumb dumbs too!!" Then I raced off the field, thinking God must hate me as much as he hates crippled kids and poor people!! I felt like a complete and utter failure, and then tears just started streaming uncontrollably down my face, causing my acne to itch really badly. I was humiliated. I went back to the locker room and just sat there holding my head in my hands and sobbing. Then I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, so I turned around to see who it was, and there stood a shirtless Mr O'Leary! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Mr.O'leary must have also thrown his shirt on the field too in a brave show of unity and support for me!! "There, there son," he said softly in my ear as he stood behind me smelling like peppermint. "Remember what I told you?...God has a plan..and now it's clear to me what that plan is," and then he placed both hands on my shoulders and started giving me a really awesome deep tissue massage! Ha!! I had never seen him do that for ANY of the other guys!! The only bad thing was, his white belly hair kept poking me and tickling my back..but I didn't want to complain and seem ungrateful. "So what's his plan," I asked ..."God, I mean". With that Mr O'leary spun me around to face him, he looked me sternly in the eyes and said, " He wants me to personally train you, and get you into tip top shape, so that next year you can become this school's hero quarterback!" Omg...I couldnt believe what I was hearing! Me, a quarterback?? Then he said he would only do it if I agreed not to tell anyone cuz he could get in alot of trouble for giving me "special treatment," so of course I agreed not to tell a soul!! In the weeks and months that followed, I would secretly meet Mr.O'Leary at night after school was closed in the locker rooms to train. It was very intense...he would put "Eye of the tiger on" during the workouts and insisted on us taking lots of showers together. He said the steam from the hot water would help me drop weight so I could run faster with the ball. He also taught me other really important things too, like how to slap the other teamates butts properly like the pro's did on t.v. He said it was very important for team morale and that I needed to"get it just right" or our opponents wouldn't take us seriously,and it would give THEM the edge in a tight game. So months went by and we kept training and training ,sometimes as much as 5 times a week, and by then I was getting pretty ripped! Mr O'leary even had the genius idea to track my progress by taking polaroid pictures of me every day in various poses!! Ha...guess he was right. I WAS handsome enough to be a male model! So I went to school one night to train like usual and waited and waited..but Mr.O'leary never showed up..I was really worried! I couldn't even call him at his house. He made me promise not to because his wife had some rare disease that makes her really scared of the "ring sound" a telephone makes. I felt sick to my stomache and couldn't sleep at all that night, and I went to school the next day eager to find him, hoping he hadn't givin up on me. There was some type of commotion going on in the hall way, and a bunch of teachers where huddled together and whispering . I overheard one of them say them say that Mr. O'leary had been arrested for assault on a minor! I was devastated....I knew it was my fault that he had been arrested! All he wanted to do, was to help me become a real man. I mean he worked me out pretty hard and all ...but assault??..I think that term's a little harsh. Well...Mr O'leary never did return to school, and I never did become a hero quarterback. But you know what I did get out of it? I got the best friend an innocent, impressionable young man could ever have asked for, and walking away with the true belief that God DOES have a plan. ....for all of us! R.I.P. Mr. O'Leary, Inmate #18764
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