So the other night I'm walking by this bar called The Man Hole, carrying my "The world is gonna end: Oct 25th" Harold camping sign, and there's all these really scary looking buff dudes sitting on their motorcycles outside. They all had leather jackets with crazy looking metal studs all over them, and every one of them had big furry mustaches. So I'm like, "Ohhh shit....I better not make eye contact with these guys," but to my surprise, they were really, really friendly! So one of em' says, "Nice sign" (I think he was the leader cuz his mustache was biggest of all of them) and I said, "Oh, why thank you. That's very sweet." Then he says, " I think you're really sweet." I was shocked!! I mean, here I was thinking that these guys were gonna be totally mean to me and break my sign over my head, but turns out they end up being a bunch of absolute pussycats! I will never judge a book by its cover again! So then, get this...He asks me if I wanna hang out with him and his gang! Im like, "Wow, really?..but dont I have to be a member to hang out with you guys??" Then they all started laughing, and the leader dude says, "You are just adorable...what's your name?" "Morty," I say, proudly. "Nice to meet you Morty...I'm Jake, and these guys here are my bro's. We call ourselves, "THE BIG SILLYS." Then he says, "I don't know guys....Think Morty here could pass the initiation?" Then he had me spin around for them (I think they wanted to make sure I wasn't wearing a wire). "Yeah...you'll do." he says. "Ok, you ride with me." Holy shit, I couldn't believe it! Here I was was, little ol' me riding with the leader of one of the most feared and respected biker gangs of all time, and the thought that I could possibly become a Big Silly myself was overwhelming, to say the least! So after riding for a while, we eventually pulled up at an old abandoned warehouse. "This is it. Home sweet home," Jake says to me with a smile. "WOW! This is your hangout!" I said, with my eyes full of wonder and amazement. "It's everything I imagined it to be and more!" So we go inside and climb some stairs to the second story, then we enter a dark room that just has one big filthy mattress on the floor, no windows and a couple of old ladyish camel back chairs. It smelled like an old diaper in there, but whatever. I was just happy to finally have a chance to be part of something bigger than myself. So we all started drinking...and I mean drinking A LOT!! Jake was probably the most drunk though because he kept trying to wrestle everybody, and said he wanted to put me in a "full nelson." He said that he needed to see how strong I was, and if I could hold my own in a fight, so he started showing me a bunch of fighting stances and moves that he had choreographed to Abba's "dancing queen." Man, he was strong! Anyway, they kept giving me more and more drinks, and at some point I must have passed out cuz the next thing I knew I woke up on the filthy mattress lying next to Jake! My pants were down and bunched up around my ankles and my ass felt like someone had emptied a 12 guage shotgun into it!! "Jake!! jake!!" I yelled, waking him from his slumber. "What the hell happened last night?!" "Omg," he says."You don't remember? A rival gang showed up and you saved us!" I was like, "What? Really?" "Yeah," he says, "They attacked us, and you fought them all off!" Well...why does my ass hurt so much? I asked. "Uh ummmm....Well one of the rival gang members broke a bottle and was trying to stab me with it, but you blocked it with your sweet ass.You're my hero!" Then Jake's eyes started welling up with tears and he took my hand gently in his, and looked right in my eyes and said, "You're one of us now, kid" With those words, my heart began to soar and suddenly the pain in my prolasped rectum seemed to all but disappear. Nothing else mattered right at that moment, because now I would be from that day on...an honorary and proud Big silly.
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